Reactions

     Grieving is such an interesting thing.  It is fascinating to me how little people understand and know how to deal with it.  What has really surprised me is how some people react when you experience a loss like ours.  I  have literally been amazed at the different reactions I have received from those around me.  I have lost a few relationships with people whom I thought I was close with that just don't know how to relate to me anymore and have distanced themselves from me all together.  And, on the flip side I have had people reach out and be very supportive who I didn't associate with much before.  It amazes me how different we all are and the different ways people react to the same situation.  There have been many people who feel too uncomfortable even bringing up Jackson's name, let alone talk about him.  I think some of them are trying to pretend that none of this even happened and help us 'forget' about it.  And there have been others who go out of their way to let us know that he is still special and remembered. We have had many people who are close to us pull away from us right when we need them the most.  It has been very hard to get through sometimes.  

   There is one reaction I am still failing to understand.  I have had some people who have literally not said a single word to me since this happened.  They have even gone out of their way to avoid me.  One of these people happened to talk to Jason recently and they said the reason they have stayed away is because it is 'too hard for them to be around me'.  It is 'too difficult for them to talk to me because they don't know what to say'.  They also said it is 'too painful and sad for them to think about what we have been through let alone talk to us about it'.  I am still having trouble wrapping my head around this one.  How on earth is it too difficult for you?  If they think this is too difficult for them  then they really don't want to know what I am going through.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME????  I know it wasn't meant to be taken this way, but can you see how ridiculous this sounds to me?  The reason you can't be supportive to me at a time in my life when I have never needed it more is because it's too hard for YOU?  If anything, I need even more support from my friends and family than I ever did before.  The last thing I need is people distancing themselves from me because it's just too hard for them.  This is a reaction I will never understand.  Sadly there have been several people I know who have felt this way.  I don't get it at all.  

   I think death in general is something that is very difficult for people to deal with.  It is uncomfortable and almost taboo to talk about.  Death of a child is even more uncomfortable for people.  It is so out of the norm,  that people just don't know how to deal with it or react.  I also think losing a child in the way we did is even more difficult for people to understand.  I really don't think a lot of people realize the magnitude of our loss and why it has been so hard for us to get through.  I have said this before, but I really think it is something that you really can't understand unless you or someone very close to you has experienced it.  I think that is part of the reason many people have not been very supportive.  They don't view it has a 'huge loss' like we do.  

   It's just sad, because we really need support and most people we know don't know how to give it.  They don't understand.  

    I really do appreciate the support we have been given.  We have had some amazing people rally around us and I have met so many other angel moms who have turned out to be one of my greatest support systems.  One thing I have really learned from this is how much we need to be there for people who are struggling. They really need us and we can't let them down.   I am definitely more aware of the suffering of others and I am trying to help.  Now that I have been on the other side of it I know how to be supportive.  I hope I can continue to help others in the way I have been helped!