Why Me?

     On my harder days, I often find myself asking this question:  'Why Me?'  I feel like we have really tried to do everything right.  I am a planner by nature and I have prepared in every way possible for a new baby to join our family.  I don't understand why I am not being blessed with a baby right now and so many others that I know are.  I have had to watch a lot of close friends and family being blessed with something that we want so bad.  It really does feel like salt in an open wound.  Not only have I lost three babies this year, but I have been virtually surrounded by pregnant people.  It is a very visual reminder of what I have lost.  A lot of our expecting friends and family and those who already have their babies weren't even trying to get pregnant.  They just got lucky.  I know they are all grateful, but I cringe when some of them have referred to their pregnancies as 'an accident'.  I hate that term, because I don't think babies are 'accidents'.  They are part of God's plan for our families.
    I have really been struggling with the 'why' of everything.  I don't understand why I had to bury my baby and everyone else gets to keep theirs.  It has been a very painful, heart wrenching experience.  I know I am not the only one who has ever experienced this.  I have met a lot of other Angel Moms recently who are going through the same thing.  It is a very tough burden to bare.  I hope and pray that it will lighten over time.  
     I have been reading a lot about the spirit world lately and one thing I have learned is that we 'choose' the trials we are going to go through before we come to earth.  I am reading 'Life Everlasting' right now (great book!).  It talks about: 'pre-mortal spirits being able to choose the reward they desire and the course of activity and experience which will enable them to gain the reward they select'.  'One can learn lessons on earth in two ways.  They can move through life slowly and experience normal events, or they can learn their earth lessons quickly through suffering, pain, and disease.' I must have chosen the latter.  In a way I am grateful for this experience, because although it is difficult now, I know I am going to experience so much learning and growth that will pertain to my heavenly rewards in the next life.
     I know I won't know the 'why' of everything in this life.  I know my Heavenly Father loves me and when he gives me trials they are opportunities to learn so I can gain experience. I feel so fortunate to have my faith in God to rely on in times of need!