Gratitude

 
    I feel like my last post was a little too negative.  While I definitely still have those feelings, I don't want to sound like I am ungrateful for all the many blessings I have been given, even in the midst of this heavy trial.

• I am so grateful for my two living children!  They have been one of the greatest blessings in my life.  They have brought me so much joy and happiness!  I have thought a lot about my friends and family who are struggling with infertility issues and don't have any children.  I cannot even imagine the pains they have had to bare.  I pray for them daily.  
• I am grateful for such a wonderful, loving family.  It has been such a blessing to be able to rely on them so much during this difficult time.  I am especially grateful for Jason.  He has been my rock!  I don't know what I would do without him.  
• I am so grateful for all our amazing friends who have been so supportive and caring!  We have been the recipients of a great outpouring of love.  It has meant the world to us!
• I am grateful that I got a chance to hold Jackson.  My heart aches for the many mother's who don't get a chance to hold their babies.  That was one of the most difficult things about the miscarriages I had last year, I was left with nothing and therefore no closure. I was lucky to be able to spend so much time with Jackson and then bury him in a place where I can visit whenever I want.  I feel so bad for the mothers who have no place to go.  I can't even imagine how hard that would be.  
• I am so grateful that this happened while we were here and NOT in Hawaii.  We had a pre-planned trip to Hawaii scheduled for our 10 year anniversary.  It just happened to be exactly a week after we lost Jackson and the day after we held his funeral.  I can't even imagine the nightmare it would have been if we had to deal with this while we were on vacation in Hawaii without any family nearby.  
• I am SO grateful for my knowledge and testimony of the plan of salvation.  I know families are forever and we will see Jackson again someday.  My heart breaks for others who do not have the same knowledge and testimony.  I can't imagine what it would feel like to think this life was the 'end'.  
• I am grateful that Jason has a good job and we have decent health insurance.  We have been to the doctor A LOT this year, not including my hospital stay.  We are very fortunate to have good insurance that has covered the majority of the bills.  
• I am grateful that I have good health.  Although I am currently struggling with infertility issues, I know it could be so much worse.  

    I could go on and on about all the many blessings I have been given.  Even though we are struggling with the greatest trial of our lives, we have also been given so much.  I find when I focus on the good things in my life it makes the bad things not as big of a deal.