Loss of Control

    I feel like I have lost control of so many things in my life.  I feel like I am trying to do everything right and the things I want most are completely out of my control.  As someone who is a planner and tries very hard to control all aspects of my life, it has been very difficult to sit back and realize that even after all you do, bad things will happen and there is nothing you can do to change it.  I did not plan on losing three babies in a row.  I did not plan on not ovulating for the past 4 months.  Aren't we supposed to be the masters of our own destinies?  Isn't it true that we reap what we sow?  Why is it that I have done everything I possibly can and this is the outcome?  I have come to realize that control is an illusion and even on our most self-sufficient days, none of us is in control.  We are not masters of our own destinies.   We do not necessarily reap what we sow.  Some of the most important things that happen in life are completely out of our control and there is next to nothing we can do about it.  I am trying so hard to not let this 'loss of control' get to me.  Most days I am pretty good at it, but sometimes I get very overwhelmed feeling like nothing I do matters.  It is so frustrating feeling like no matter what I try I can't change my circumstances.
      I have really had to learn the fine art of patience.  However this is something I have to work out myself.  I am so tired of having people tell me 'you need to have patient' and 'this is part of the Lord's plan for you' as they sit there with their healthy pregnancy/newborn.  They have never had to deal with something even remotely painful or heart wrenching as my loss or even my inability to even ovulate again yet they think they can tell me to be patient or speculate on this being the Lord's plan for me (why wasn't it the Lord's plan for you then?).  I am also tired of people who have had miscarriages telling me that 'they know exactly how I feel'.  I am sorry, but you don't.  You have NO idea what I am going through.  Losing a child is a HUGE thing and having issues with ovulation and getting pregnant is a HUGE thing and I am dealing with both simultaneously.  And on top of that I get the added bonus of watching pretty much everyone I know have a baby.  I swear, someone else announces their pregnancy almost daily.
   If it sounds like I am very frustrated right now, it's because I am.  I am trying SO hard to be patient.  I know I need to leave this in the Lord's hands.  Unfortunately, right now I feel like I have a lot of questions and not very many answers.